Take a look in the mirror. What do you see? Your face, your body. Now turn the mirror inwards and take a look at what you see. What do you see? Chaos? Confusion? Sadness? Looking at your inner mirror will show you what a lot of the world already sees. We tend to only look inwards when things in life are not going the way we want, when things get hard and emotions are drained.
This time of year I tend to blame my feelings on winter depression, as the cold, gray days and longer nights are not appealing to someone who enjoys sunshine and summer heat. However this year things are different, and even though I may say it’s another case of winter depression, I know that is only a farce. I don’t speak of my feelings, it is a bad habit of mine, even to those that I care so much about. I ignore them, hoping they’ll just go away, but they only fester and grow into something worse. I don’t speak up when I should.
Over the course of my life, I have gone from being a happy child to an apathetic adult, with issues holding my anger, sadness and fears in. I try my hardest to let things go as it comes in and I do well to never hold in anger. That eats away at me and only builds until it explodes, causing me to lose people I care for. But holding in sadness and worry is something that I still do because I don’t want to hurt the ones I love, I don’t want them to worry about me. I do my best to put on a happy face, but lately, it has been harder and near impossible the past couple of days. People have taken note of my change in attitude, my responses direct and somewhat cold.
I need to turn the mirror around and look inwards, to face my inner worries and fears and let those that I love know what is bothering me. It’s time to make that change.
The Mind of Hiro 