Falling From Cloud Nine

Falling from Cloud NineHappiness is one thing that everyone tries to achieve. Whether that is through finding someone to love or through work that you do. You do not expect it to make you so happy that you get that floating feeling, like being on “cloud nine”. When you do, it seems like nothing in the world could bring you down, but that is far from true.

I was going through my inventory the other day, purging what I figured I’d never use or wear again, and it brought back a flood of emotions, from sadness to anger, feeling a bit of nostalgia looking at old pictures and trying on old clothes that I used to love that haven’t aged well at all. I took a bit of time to reflect on my past in Second Life when I was finished, remembering everything that I have been through.

In all of my time in Second Life, I have fallen from cloud nine many times. I have lost happiness when I thought that there was no possible way that I could. Two of those times hit so hard that I made some drastic changes in the way I live my second life. The first time cause me to quit. I picked up all my things, sold my land and left. I never thought I’d ever be back again.

Over the year and a half that I was away, I took time to look back and evaluate what exactly it was that I wanted out of Second Life. Did I want to pursue long term relationships? Did I want to become the best blogger? Did I want to build and sell items? I didn’t figure it out until I decided one day to open up Second Life again, which was still installed on my PC. I decided that I wanted to just have fun, what ever that was at the time.

I opened myself up to more people, to more things. I felt happy for a time, I was on cloud nine again. Then I was hit hard again, by my first partner, who lied and betrayed my trust. It made me question if I wanted to stay in SL again. Thankfully I had my father at the time. He helped me through a lot of the hurt that I felt. Eventually I got over the pain, the sadness, and made the choice to stay, and to also not let myself get involved with anyone again.

Since then, nearly 5 years ago, I have lived close to, but never on cloud nine. I am very cautious with who I trust and who I let in my life. I keep my happiness in check, so that I don’t let it blind me to the truth of what really is going on. Living like that, I found Spike, who I am so in love with, but thankfully he keeps me grounded. I am happy, but not to the point of being on cloud nine again. To me, that kind of happiness is the worst.

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